SPROUT!

Eric Kao

“I’ve written a TAF reflection every year I’ve gone, since 2005. It’s become something important that I do. It helps me preserve memories and also helps me reflect on the week later on in the year. I’ve organized my reflection into sections these past couple years, and I think I’ll do so again this year, just because it makes it easier to read. I’ll start of with a personal note before I get serious: I miss my shi bai girl ☹

Post-TAF Feeling Check
It’s the first full day back from TAF, and to be honest, I’m not completely feeling “TAF blues”. It’s true that I miss people A LOT, and it’s true that I’ve missed some people to the point of crying already, but when I look back at TAF as a whole, I don’t cry. I feel sad because it’s over, but I feel even happier that it happened. I think this just shows how strong of a week this has been for me. Yes, I really miss the feeling of everything…Manchester College has now been that happy place for me, since 2002, but this year. I’m walking away happy, not sad.

Speaker Sessions
Nearly everyone was looking forward to Bum Yong Kim coming back to TAF as a speaker this year. He truly is amazing, and is a real great “janitor” with a way with his words. His ability to change his sessions in order to meet the program’s needs is just incredible. His two last speaker sessions were basically created in one day each, because during advisor meetings, it was apparent that certain things had to be addressed. Bum’s flexibility just shows that he really knows his stuff. He didn’t try to force his ideas on anyone either, like last year’s speaker. Many of his questions were open ended, and he left it up to each individual how he/she wanted to answer them. Just during the first speaker session, it was incredible to hear so many different opinions being voiced, and at that point, I knew this would be an excellent week. Even though a speaker doesn’t directly control how good of a week of TAF is, it certainly affects it, and instead of being a hindrance (like last year), Bum definitely served as a catalyst to an incredible week at TAF. Major thanks to this brilliant man.

Small Group
I’m going to be honest, and say that at the beginning of the week, I was like, “Oh crap, there’s no way this group is going to be any better than the Zodèmon of last year”. Then I saw that Jeff and Christina were our advisors and I felt a little better. Then after the first small group meeting, I got my first read, and it showed signs of potential. I saw that people definitely had stuff to share, but it would be really difficult to get them to trust us all. I sort of needed this small group to be a really good one though, because I had so much that I wanted to just get out there in the open. I was sick of bottling everything in. So, after an internally emotional Monday, and after a great speaker session by Bum, I decided to let myself go, and trust my small group, partly because I needed it, and partly because I wanted the group to be able to trust me. I guess it turned out alright. Eventually, my whole small group opened up, and it was this amazing experience of sitting on that floor, sharing, crying, and hugging. Just the fact that everyone had something to share totally blew my mind. I learned things about everyone, even April, whom I have known for what, 8 years now? We just, bonded, I guess. In this sense, I think this is probably the best small group I’ve had ever. What really secured its position as the “best” came when after a small group meeting, we had some down time before lunch, we ended up hanging out together, chilling and tossing a Frisbee around. People didn’t go wander to find their closer friends, but just stayed to be with each other a little while longer. So, thanks to Allen, Andrew, April, Joy, Kelly, Leo, and Richard for making this small group so fricking amazing, and an even bigger thanks to Christina and Jeff, for being there for us and for facilitating such great conversations. I. Miss. You. All.

Coordinating/Slideshow/Roomie
I was really happy to be back this year as slideshow coordinator. Last year was a really rewarding experience, and this back, we came back with a passion and tried to make an even better slideshow. I hope everyone enjoyed it, and I hope it did end up being better than last year’s. I’m going to start off with an apology to TAFlabs, TAFmedia, and Andrew/Nicole. I didn’t put in as much as I should have, so I really don’t think I’m deserving of the success you all had this week. Good job, and I hope that I didn’t cause too much suffering. Thanks for not outwardly bashing me when I obviously wasn’t playing my role. I’m sorry… but back to my reflection… our group of coordinators this year was really baller, and I think it was comprised of one hella awesome group of youthers. It was great to get to know some of these peers better throughout the week, and they all did an amazing job with their roles. I hope that in the end, we were able to spread TAFlove, whatever that may be, to the rest of the camp. Now, to my roommate/twin Andrew Kuo. It was really nice to room with you again, even though we didn’t have the same number of late night conversations as we had in the previous years. I did enjoy talking to you though, even if I sacrificed time with another special person to do so. Our friendship is epic. It’s awesome how we can disagree but still get along.

Little Sibs
Having little sibs is one of the big things that can really change how well a week of TAF goes. I was really lucky to end up with two excellent sibs, Gilbert and Tyler. Gilbert has been going to TAF since he was only three years old, so that’s almost as long as I’ve been going to TAF! It’s quite amazing. He loved taking my camera from me and taking pictures, and I was happy to let him do so. We’ve also decided that he’s totally going to be the next JH stud. ☺ I’m training the best here…Tyler was an awesome little sib too…he was adorable, and gave me a pokemon card in one of his sib letters. I shall cherish that Heracross for a long time…I also spent a lot of time playing with other Juniors, and talking with some JHers from time to time. I enjoyed it, and I don’t know, I guess I hope that I made TAF more fun for them, whether they realized it or not. I’m really happy that Jocelyn came back to TAF this year and broke the curse of TAFers not coming back to TAF the year after having me as a big/lil sib.

Identity Dialogue
I’m sad to say that I didn’t really cry during my identity dialogue, even though I really wanted to. I think I was just too tired and already cried out from earlier in the day. It was still good for me though, and I’m happy to have this workshop every year, even if it runs into curfew almost every year.

Future Plans
I want to apply for Youth Advisor next year, and that’s my number one choice. The first reaction when I tell people this is usually something along the lines of, “you’re too young”, but I’m willing to fight through it. I feel like the JH experience is very different from the Youth experience, and the Youth experience has the potential to be a lot more valuable, to both the campers and the advisors. I realize that if I do get it, there will be a lack of age difference, and that will just make it challenging for me to garner respect from the campers, but I believe that if I can fight through this challenge, it would make the year extremely valuable for me in my growth as a person, as a TAFer, and as a servant leader. The reason why I’d go Youth over JH is because I’d really like to push the campers to think during their week, and I think that the depth that I want to push them to is best suited for Youth. Thanks to all the people who I’ve talked to who have been really supportive in this idea, and believe in my ability to be Youth advisor.

If not, I’d like to step into JH, even though it may not be the best place for me, because JH is where a lot of my social growing happened. If not, I’d still be willing to go for TAFlabs or Juniors, but I’m not sure the impact I’d be able to make through these two programs compared with Youth or JH.

Closing Notes
I think I really needed TAF this year. I was going through a very tough time with my family and friends over here, and part of me was craving that feeling that TAF can bring to people. Bum made a really good analogy this year, with love being like water in a cup. I like to fight through problems on my own, so when I came into TAF I was confused and scared, my cup was empty. I’m left TAF, still confused and scared, but with some water in my cup. All the loving at TAF really helped me out, and gave me hope. I hope you all remember Bum’s speaker session about hope. This year at TAF really impacted me, enough to the point that the day after I got back, I let myself have a crying session with my mom where I basically told her a lot of the things on my mind. How many of you have actually done this?

I think what’s really important at TAF is not necessarily what you learn from it, but what you do about it afterward, after you leave Manchester College. TAF creates this atmosphere where it is safer to let yourself go, but many people don’t do so when they get back into the real world because it’s harder. To be honest, TAF isn’t a magical place, but it is a good place. If you can bring the atmosphere of TAF to the rest of the world, what you are doing is making the world a better place. Andrew Kuo said that TAFlove really is unconditional love, not really some special. In the end, we’re all people, and we’re all looking to be loved. It’s scary to pour your water into someone’s cup, but aren’t you looking for the rest of the world to do the same for you?

Maybe you can start with affirmations/words of encouragement. The initialing of the goals you set at the beginning of TAF is a form of affirmation, and I found that throughout the week, the affirmation that I got from other people really kept me going, even if my sheet wasn’t initialed that many times. Those little things can really do a lot. Maybe a little bit if water from your cup is enough to completely fill up someone else’s. TAF doesn’t have to only be one week long, but it’s up to you to realize this.”

This was Eric’s seventh year at TAF and he was a part of the Youth program as a coordinator.

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